From Goodreads"A vital contribution to our understanding of intimacy both on screen and in life." Gillian Anderson | An Evening Standard 'Book to Watch' for 2025
From the initial spark of attraction when your eyes first meet, to spontaneously dancing together in the kitchen and falling asleep side by side - how do we create those intimate moments of connection?
As a pioneering Intimacy Coordinator, Ita O’Brien has choreographed some of the most groundbreaking, passionate and vulnerable intimate scenes onscreen. From Normal People to I May Destroy You, and in so many more productions, she has also made these scenes safer, more joyful and more empowering to perform in. No one knows intimacy, the power of true connection, better than her.
So, what can her work teach us about our own relationships, both with ourselves and others? How can we use her tools to discover what it is that we truly want in our intimate lives? And how can all of this create environments in which intimacy can take seed, grow and even thrive?
Combining embodied wisdom, behind-the-scenes stories and exercises for connection, Intimacy offers us a field guide to discovering our desires, communicating our needs, and cultivating truly intimate relationships at every stage of our lives.
My thoughts
My thanks to the Publishers via NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This book is not the sort of book that I usually read. I chose it to fulfil a reading challenge ~ A book in a genre that you wouldn't normally read. I don't tend to read many non fiction books like this as it's a self help style of book, but on reading the book it's so much more than just a self help book.
The author draws on her experiences as an Intimacy Coordinator. She has been instrumental in working with actors both on and off screen, discussing with them what might be expected of them during intimate scenes on screen and how they might cope with it, emotionally, physically, etc. She has helped with the choreographing of the scenes of many series, etc.
The book is a jumbled mix that jumps between the graphic intimate sections and the personal experiences that she has had in her working life.
Whilst, I did enjoy certain aspects of the book more than others. I feel that she could have been a little more structured in the way that it was written. I dipped in and out of it while reading it and certain parts of the book, did make me think about the relationships that we form with one another both emotionally and intimately, and how we learn to deal with the feelings of others while in a relationship..
Below are two quotes that spoke out to me for various reasons.
In the quote below the author is explaining about when she worked on an adaptation by Laure de Clermont-Tonnerre's 2022 film adaptation of Lady Chatterley's Lover written by D.H. Lawrence. The challenge was to choreograph the passion that developed between Lady Chatterley and the estate gamekeeper Mellors.
Quote 1
' This was a relationship that was so transgressive when the book was written in 1928 that it was only published iii an unexpurgated form in England in 1960, after a famous obscenity trial. Nowadays people aren't so shocked about a love affair across the class barriers, but the relationship is still the heart of the story. Both characters find liberation because of it, so the challenge was to find ways of showing each beat of its development on screen for the audience to understand its significance. '
The quote below is very poignant and made me think quite deeply about our lives and the lives of our female children and female grandchildren, et al. It's quite thought provoking really in my opinion.
Quote 2
' I always think it is a beautiful thing that a female baby in her mother's womb contains all the eggs that she will produce in her reproductive life. Effectively, if a woman gives birth to a girl, she is giving birth to the seed of her own grandchildren. Once those are used , that is it! That's one reason menopause is such a sharp process. Ovulation ends and hormone production drops over a relatively short period of time. It is really the end of something.'